I wrote this last May, but am posting it again here. At first the number six surprised me, but then I realised that’s because I lost 2 more babies in July and consider myself to have at least these 8 babes waiting for me in Heaven…
Yesterday, I wrote some of the blessings we’ve had through our struggle of losing six children in less than a year, two leaving me in miscarriage as I write this. I hope you are encouraged and can begin to see God working in your own life through your current suffering.
1. A strengthened marriage – a deeper bond,
2. An incredible ministry to other women – the Lord knew I wouldn’t be satisfied handing out linens or making meals (though I’ll do it!). He gave me a place to connect with women in the trenches and that quenches my soul!
3. A conquering of so many sins – disobedience, disbelief, distrust,
4. A more thorough understanding of His word – I know the healing and nourishment of the Bible in a way that was previously unfathomable.
5. Learning how to spill His love and instruction to others,
6. Able to walk through the fire victoriously and graciously – never burned or set ablaze.
7. A close, abiding relationship of faithfulness, obedience, intimacy, trust, belief, and desire with the Lord,
8. Clarity in understanding that this life is but a vapor and how to set my sights on eternity!
I completely understand this! As painful as infertility and miscarriage have been, I know they have drawn me closer to God and opened my eyes to his everyday impact on our lives. I am grateful for that!
Thank you so much for posting your blog on the pprom page. I had insight while reading all of your posts. Lately I have been struggling with every single friend expecting, all due next month. But after reading about your brother having a baby and how you felt, I do not feel bad for how I am feeling. I am doing two of my friend’s showers and its the first time I will even be at a shower let alone plan one since I lost Austin a year ago. I am doing it because I am truly happy for them and love them. I just don’t want them to think anything other than that. But it hurts because I see them happy and preparing for their babies. All 7 of my friends full of joy. I am blessed so much with my biological 3 year old and my niece who we just adopted but I long to be happy and enjoy pregnancy. I had 2 miscarriages in 2006 and my daughter had to be born at 31 weeks due to preclampsia. I honestly feel like my happiness was taken away. I long to have a full term baby and still have my faith that God will make a way. Thank you for this blog, it really helps with all I have been struggling with. God bless you and your beautiful family!
Thank you, Tasha! I didn’t want to be complaining, but just to share a hurting heart – to give a voice to what so many of us go through…
I’m so glad we could connect!